To Let Live or Not?

Who gets to decide whether a life is worth preserving or not? Who gets to decide the fate of a newborn who hasn't yet seen the world?

A newborn who might not be able to appreciate the beauty of life. A newborn who may forever be dependent on external support. A newborn who may never be able to fully reach his potential. 

Or who may…

Who may actually be a boon to mankind. Who may entertain millions with his talent. Who may find the cure to cancer. Who may just live a happy life. Who may survive as a fighter. Who maybe just another person LIVING.

Is it the doctor who works his best to save him/her from becoming an ‘it’? For a doctor it might just be an achievement... The 'I saved him' tag. The 'I gave him a second life' tag. But, is he going to be a part of his life forever? No.

Is it the parents who waited patiently to feel the first kick, to hear the first cry and then find out that the baby is 'defective'? Afterall, they are the ones who are going to live with the child… or maybe ‘bear’ with the child (harsh but true words). For some of them, the child maybe a 'burden'- a drain on their personal resources- time, strength and finances. But for others the child can be a pure source of joy.

I have seen the way a mother's face lights up when she sees her baby for the first time. 
I have also seen the way her eyes swell up when she hears that her child needs corrective surgery and that her child, being the tiny being he is, may not be able to survive through it. 
I have seen the way a surgeon's face lights up when the child survives the grueling surgery and the critical post-surgery days. 
But rarely have I seen a doctor getting really emotional about letting the child go. (A defense mechanism that comes with experience, to keep working and carry on with duties.)

So what happens when a neonate's fate is to be decided? What should be done when the decision is to be made? Whose decision is more important- the doctor’s or the parents’?

What should be done when a neonate goes into cardiac arrest? A doctor can save him with the CPR... But those crucial minutes of lost oxygen may render him a vegetable for life. An adult gets the option to sign a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) to be saved from the torture of ‘hanging up there’. But a neonate? Who gets to decide for them?

What is more important? Saving a neonate from death or saving a LIFE? Giving the ability to breathe or giving a life?

The emotional turmoil of a young doctor can rarely be cleared. These questions don't really have any answers. Experience may just harden up our souls and hearts- make us indifferent to some things.

(Apologies to the Grammar Nazis for the chaotic language.)

On the way to Eradication (Feeling proud)

Today, on 13 January 2014, it has been exactly 3 years since the last case of Polio was detected in India. Continuous efforts at various levels has brought us to this landmark- India is now Polio-Free.

As a kid, I saw a case of poliomyelitis and felt sorry for the bhaiyya suffering from it. As a student, I read about polio in books and realized there is no cure- only prevention. As a fresher medical student, I saw polio cases in the hospital and saw some hope for the paralyzed victims- in the form of rehabilitation. As a senior medical student and intern, I was a part of the prevention programs. And that! That is what I can say makes me proud.

First duty. Ghonda, Delhi

My first Pulse Polio posting was in a corner of Delhi I had never heard of. When I reached the center (a government school) on the Sunday morning, I saw a long queue of kids waiting to be immunized. The awareness created for the immunization drives is one key factor making us reach this milestone today. There are prominent banners all over, loudspeakers announcing the dates, celebrities advertising on televisions and radios, schools informing people. Usually everyone knows about a ‘Pulse Polio Ravivaar’ (Sunday).

Loudspeakers announcing the Pulse Polio Ravivar. Palam, Delhi

On subsequent immunization drives, I came across the difficulties that the drive was facing- the stigma amongst the various sections of the society regarding the vaccine. The worst was the myth that the vaccine leads to infertility. (Oh! This one got me facing a mob of angry people because I gave the ‘do boond zindagi ke’ to a 5 year old Muslim boy who came unaccompanied). For some people, polio is just a disease of the poor that cannot affect their rich kids. Problems for all classes.

Health talks by medical students (in the community and at the health center). Kalyanpuri, Delhi

But, the difficulties were overcome by awareness programs, political reforms, rotary organizations, international aids and global goals. There have been huge groups of volunteers who went door to door, who sat for hours educating people, creating awareness, and putting a stop to the spread of this deadly virus.

Ice boxes being prepared for maintaining the vaccine vials. Palam, Delhi.

When we were immunizing children one at a time, none of us realized that we were being a miniscule yet vital part of this gigantic national (rather international) effort at eradicating polio. We were paid 25 rupees (50 cents) for those duties. It’s not then, but now that we have truly been paid! Paid in full with the joy of knowing that history is in the making- that polio is now going to be limited to textbooks- that no kid will be exposed to it ever again!

Child by child. Country by country. Region by region. Polio is on its way out! Cheers to that.

A sudden urge to pen down my 2 cents on life!

As a kid, there are so many things you want to do...
As you grow up, you add some, you drop some off the list.
But, everything doesn't happen the way you want...
There are twists.
There are straight monotonous roads.
There are turns.
There are diverging paths.
There are dead ends.
Sometimes, you go back and follow another road.
Other times, you decide to take a plunge and...
and...
You set out on new paths.

Wherever you are- don't just stay there...
Move.
Move forward.
Move backward.
Jump up.
Dive down.
Run.
Slow down... but never stop.

One day you will reflect back on it all.
Where you are will not be important,
How your got there will matter most.
Make the journey count...

 

Modified Kubler Ross Model for Surgical Grief

 

Disclaimer:

Iam not responsible for what is following. This is a joke and in no ways meant to hurt the sentiments of any doctor/ profession/ institute/ patient/ or anybody or anything. Also, I do not take credit for this model. Iam just putting it up.

 

"Modified Kubler Ross Model for Surgical Grief"

What do surgeons do when they are confronted with a post-op patient of theirs who isn't doing as well as expected? They undergo the following stages-

1. Cursing
• !@#@$% "Why are you disturbing me? Iam tired from the long surgeries."
2. Denial
• "Who? My patient? No way... The operation went perfectly fine (read as patient came out of OT alive!) You got to be kidding me! He is fine and you are wrong (whatever it is you are trying to tell me- Iam not listening."
3. Anger (read as cursing under breath)
• #@$&*^$#
4. Bargaining
• "Listen, why don't we try to cover this up..." (actually this stage never happens. Skip to 4)
5. Acceptance
• "The operation didn't go well. Lets do some more tests and correct it before it is too late."
6. Depression
• "My spic-n-span rates are dropping... Nobody will come to me for surgeries anymore."
7. Cursing!
• !#@#@#$@ "Why did this have to happen to me?"

Read Disclaimer again!

 

The Nepalese Drama

Nepal was certainly a trip that took me out of my comfort zone (first ‘phoren’ trip, politically unstable, rainstorm, time-bound, no elders!) But then, it also taught me that the fun in travelling is when you cross limitations, break free from restrictions and move outside your comfort circle!

Scene1- Pokhara

Our driver is writing the words ‘Tourists Only’ for the car windows. A strike/curfew is planned.

Driver- “Tourists are usually not affected in these domestic troubles. But, I suggest we leave for Lumbini asap.”

But, we aren’t willing to skip Sarangkot’s beautiful Himalayan sunrise.

The sun rising through a cloudy sky over the Himalayas

 

Scene2- Back after witnessing an amazing sunrise

The protestors are already on the street and our car keys are snatched away. This time they don’t want the tourists feeling left out of the strike.

Transport modes available- bicycles and airplanes (contrasting indeed).
No map. No companion. No guide. I want to cycle away to my hearts glory.

Nepalese police escorting some vehicles

  

Scene3- Airport-Mad dash for flights

The travel agents inform that all flights-out are completely booked. We cycle to the airport.

Airport employeeX- “I can get you 2tickets to Kathmandu. What price are you willing to pay for it?”

Me- “Are seats available?”

X- "2 chairs add kardenge-batao chahiye ki nahi."

:O Willing to add chairs in a16-seater mountain flight??? No ji! We are staying!

Rented cycles for the day

  

Scene4- ‘Hiking’

Boat rented to Barahi Temple island in the midst of Phewa Lake.

Boatsman- “There’s a World Peace Stupa built atop the hill across the lake. Want to see?”

Weather- Beautiful-pleasant-sunny. I can see mountain-flights and paragliders in the sky.

Hiking up a mountain was never on my list. But, in Nepal- amidst the Himalayas, you cant say no. It was a small hill, but for me it was The ‘hike’. At every turn a beautiful view awaits!



Hike up to World Peace Stupa, Ate fresh wild berries on the way ('Kaphal') 

 

Way back downhill, cut to drastic weather change! 

 

Scene 5- A lake, a boat, and a rainstorm

(background music- thud-thud-thud raindrops like stones)

It is pouring. Just managed to walk/slide downhill to a lone café. Chat.

Momentary pause in the rain.
Boatsman empties boat with a cola can.
Row, row, row your boat... gently harshly down the lake!

Weather- The clouds are in no mood to stop crying. Stormy winds. Waves lashing at the boat.

Cut to flashback- Driver telling us stories about people drowning and not being found.

(My thoughts- ‘I don’t want to die, not when Iam finally a doctor. I don’t know swimming. I love you mom-dad’)

Sudden snap to present- “Get off. Quick. Get off the boat.”

We are somehow back at the temple island. Around 30sane people, 2goats and some crazy people under a small tin roof.

No idea of time.

In the distance, docked boats are taking off in the stormy rain and people are swimming against the waves to get them back- amazing strength in those muscles (mental note- workout!!!)

After we reached shore safely (by Canon in its final moments :()

 

Another momentary pause in the rain.
On our way to safe shores again. Another shelter-another wait-another chat session.

Finally the rain decides to stop playing around…

Drenched. Tired. With new friends. With a dysfunctional camera (RIP Canon. You were great). Yet happy. With a big smile. With a story to tell back home.

Bidding adieu to our friends for the day

 

‘A unlucky adventure in Nepal’ is what I would call this. Unlucky was what it felt like then. But, looking back at it now- it was a fun 24hours that gave me a story to remember forever.

This post is an entry for a contest by CupONation, an online retailer of discount coupons, and The Shooting Star travel blog. Thanks a lot guys for running this contest and making me revisit my journal.

Phewa Lake after it calmed down. Quote by Cesare Pavese.

Soulless??? (Scrubs Diaries 4)

Death is all around. More so in a hospital. I haven’t been in a hospital long enough to get used to death on a daily basis. I have only been a medstudent and an intern. Both are phases of a doctor wherein everything is new, exciting and adrenaline inducing. Yet… Yet, one would always remember the first death they saw, the first death they blame themselves for, the first death that could have been prevented, the first pediatric death. What is important is that one should also remember the deaths they actually prevented, the lives they actually saved. The balance of our memories is what will keep us sane. That, and of course friends (Twitter friends too) get us through.

 

Like Dr Cox says death is joked about just to distance oneself, to get by. The doctor needs to move on as soon as possible. The doctor needs to get past the emotional aspect of it in order to carry on with work, and in order to learn from it and if possible avoid the next one. Learning from every mistake is important. Mistakes in this field are fatal.

So, doctors do tend to seem soulless over time. But, that is only to preserve the soul they have.

No copyright infringement intended.

 

Dear Mr Armstrong

Dear Mr Armstrong,

I have never addressed a letter to somebody who I know will never read it. Not even to Santa. But, this time I wanted to get personal.

You certainly decided to go out with a BANG. And you got your way yet again by going on air with Oprah to confess. You had lost your career, your respect, your following. The only thing you could do now was confess in a way that made YOU the 'talk of the town' once again (rather the talk of the 'world'). You do love the attention, don't you? First, the race, then THE cancer, then being the survivor, then the doping 'allegations' and now the 'confession'. Well played, Mr Armstrong.

You could write another biography "Livestrong to Liestrong". You lost not just the letter 'v' but an entire battle. Cancer survivor- that's what I respected you for the most. I, like many others, cried and rejoiced with you while reading your life story. Story! Thats what it was- the story that was not just about the bike.

You could have been remembered as a survivor. But, no. Greed has no end, you went on and on. I am no cycling fan, and the only people I know in this sport are the ones mentioned in your book. That is how far your book reached.

I 'un'followed you on twitter way back. (That is the way a lot of us from this generation retaliate. Doesn't mean much but yeah- that's how we do it). I followed you again in the hope that you might deny it all. That all the allegations were just that- 'allegations'. But then you were banned, more and more people were talking. I realized that there is a truth in everything that was being said. Yet, we wanted to believe.

Why? Why couldn't you accept it before? Why couldn't you have saved yourself some dignity?

Seeing your interview, it seemed you were laughing at the world. You had the audacity to laugh it out. The process. The doping mafia. By laughing it out, you are mocking the entire world. You are mocking the fellow non-doping competitors (that you yourself refer to as 'heroes'), you are mocking the system, you are mocking the fans, you are mocking the media!

"Iam not the most believable guy in the world right now..." Well, you got that right, Mr Armstrong.

You do make us look ridiculous now.

Your definition of scary, scarier and scariest-
Scary- 'It didn't feel wrong.'
Scarier- 'I didn't feel bad about it.'
Scariest- 'I didn't feel I was cheating.'
That's not being scary Mr Armstrong, that's just being plain arrogant, that's being a jerk, that's being psychologically unwell.

"I didn't know the magnitude of people following me". Seriously??? Your book was a best seller. You had fans lined up along cycling tours and outside your tents just for a glimpse of THE Lance Armstrong. Livestrong was a success because of the very magnitude of your fame that you so casually dismissed.

Striking you off from my list. My list of the people I admire. I had long ago stopped believing you, but... But, there's always a but... And

'No there is nothing heroic about admitting you fucked up. That's taking ownership. Heroic would be deciding not to fuck up. Or at least try.' (Read somewhere)

Unfaithfully yours.

I Wish To Travel

The most nomadic person I have ever seen- @NomadicMatt and my saving grace during my first ever backpacking trip (Hostelworld) and Vayama are giving away a free Europe trip and who would want to miss this chance! Not me... So, here goes right at the deadline (as usual), my post to convince them that I want it.

 

Who am I?

A recently graduated medstudent aka doctor. Sounds lovely and wow right? I must be this busy-bee saving away lives like Dr.House/ Dr.Grey right? Well, no and no. Iam in this transit phase between med-school (the extremely long period that somehow flew away) and residency (another excruciatingly long period that I hope to somehow get into)...

 

What am I doing now?

Well, like I said I am in transit (not the airport kinds- that ones that are good- if you manage to get a transit visa!... But the uncertain-phase-of-life types!)

 

Do I like traveling?

Duh! Why do you think Iam up at 2am and writing in the rain!

 

Have I been to Europe before?

Yea. My first attempt (a fantastic one) at backpacking! There were mistakes I learned from, there was a massive culture-blast, there are places I wish to visit again and again forever, there are memories!

 

Why do I want this trip?

So, finally I come to the point. Here goes. I have been to Vienna and Prague. A day here and a day there- enough to make me fall in love with the cities (and leave me desiring for more). Budget, time (remember med-school) and a medical conference to attend were my restraining factors. Now, I have the time (and maybe you guys can provide me the means) to explore the nooks and corners of the serene, culture-rich continent I so loved!

 

What I did then?

My first touchdown was Vienna- The Wombats- my first experience with a hostel and gosh! It was awesome- I got to meet some really cool travelers. In Prague, just walking down the streets, was sightseeing. But... There is that void- I didn't see that, I didn't eat that, I didn't do that!

But, how long can you hold onto just memories!

 

What I wish to do now?

'Wish'- What a lovely word! A beautiful ring, the sound sends me day-dreaming!

I wish to cycle as much as I can- through the bustling city and the quaint countrysides. My attempt at going green and going healthy. Discover Europe, and the European ways at my own pace, their way.

I wish to go sit by the Danube, staring away at the rising sun and the setting sun.

I wish to walk through the cobblestone streets of Prague, and absorb all the sounds and views the rich culture provides, to just sink in everything.

I wish to cruise through on a bike!

I wish to preserve my memories in a journal (apart from this fickle brain of mine!)

I wish to go, get lost and find my way back!

I wish to create a story for myself!

I wish to unwind, discover and get enriched!

I wish to go!

P.S. Another plan this time- I want to visit a med-school in every city I visit! (sounds geeky- Naah! This one is also just for fun!).

Date with Delhi

The greens. The rains. The views. The grass. The structures. The happy-smiling faces all around. The kids. The company. The walk. Even the splish-splash puddles. Everything about this date with Delhi was perfect.

The occasion- showcasing Delhi to a Dutch friend.
The venue- Central Delhi and the seat of India's politics!
The ambience- water all around- in the air, on the ground.
The conversations- everything India- the past, the culture, the languages, the reservations, the glory- the gory, the politics, the corruption, the changes.



We (me and dreamyme) started of with explaining the way Delhi is arranged- Old Delhi, New Delhi. We decided to cover the new and started from the centre- Connaught Place (for me it will never be Rajiv Chowk)- from Inner Circle's metro station to a lunch in the Middle Circle to walk along the Outer Circle to the Agrasen ki Baoli- the monument that got a pretty delayed recognition!  (I still remember the first time I went, there wasn't a single soul who could guide us, even the cops of KG Marg had never heard of it, it wasn't on Google maps, we reached that breathtaking place with just a name and a description).

The rain and the clouds, the high rise buildings creeping up behind the well preserved age-old rock structure, the pigeons, the trees- everything makes this the place to relax and breathe in. Once a rainwater harvesting system, it now lies non-functional yet offers a cool breeze on a hot summer afternoon.

From there onwards we went to where every Delhite flocks to as soon as there is any improvement in the weather- yes, you are right- India Gate.

We were walking.
The clouds were pouring.
The kids were smiling.

The couples were flirting.

The cars were stopping.
The birds were chirping.

Umbrellas/ raincoats couldn't stop us from getting drenched. As we walked along the 3km stretch of Rajpath, the Parliament house to the right, the Raisina Hill looming in front of us, a silhouette of the Rashtrapati Bhawan just visible, and an occasional bird flying across, it was the perfect picture (alas the camera was not waterproof).

"Taking pictures all the time turns you into an observer. It traumatically takes you out of the moment."   

- Julie Delpy (2 Days in Paris)

I couldn't go go click-click-click-click-click because of the rain. So, today was all about soaking in (both the rain and the moment)... And then a customary click here and a click there braving the rain (yet I have a lot of pics and a blurry lens now).

 

 

 

The royal house of the president, the humongous gate that keeps us on the other side, the north and south blocks on either side, everything around us was imposing, yet quiet, silent- unlike the bustling noisy Delhi.

Every few seconds, there was a taxi coming up, the window rolling down, a tourist peeking, a camera clicking and the car turning back to go. That's not the way to enjoy the glory of the place, I have been there done that. But, I was doing it all wrong.
 

 

 

The walk back. You turn around and now, the India Gate is a shadow in the distance, a blurry image in the rain, growing larger with every step. The green grass and the lamp posts dotting the Rajpath on either side, another picture perfect moment. The grass was so inviting that we decided to kick off our shoes and walked barefoot all the way. Like my friend said- it was so therapeutic. All you city folks, try it!

We arrive at the war memorial that has through time witnessed all the joys, the independence, the agitations, the injustices, the blooming loves, the friendships, the families and the celebrations of Delhi. (innumerable candle vigils with the Jessica Lal case starting the trend, the anti-reservation protests, the midnights snacks, the cricket celebrations, the republic day parades, the latest Anna campaigns). We see people drenching in the rain, and in the fountains and in the ponds.

The  picturesque view, the feel of the wet grass, the sound of raindrops were three senses checked. India Gate satisfied the other two. The wonderful smell of 'bhutta' (corn cobs) wafting through the air and the taste of it. A perfect finish! India Gate at all times attracts street vendors- the 'pink'est candy floss (mmmm...), bubble blowers, helicopter toys, bright balls, the crazy devil horns, instant photo-waalas, bhelpuri, gol gappe, fruit chaats, chai-waalas, and the ever famous ice-cream vendors!

 

Morning, evening, night or midnight...
Sweltering heat or piercing cold...
Rain or no rain...
One can never go hungry from here.

A perfect date with a city I have lived in forever and yet am discovering again and again.

 

P.S Why was this was so very special to me- I have been pretty much home the past 2 months as a nocturnal creature (thanks to our education system and more so to my lack of interest in the system whatsoever, I probably have to do this for another year!). So, I have been bereft of even sunshine, let alone the beauty of rain.

 

P.P.S 12hours later, now, as I sit down to pen type this- it is dawn- the sun went down and came up again yet the rain has refused to stop.

Signing off with a view from my window!

 

Click on any picture to get the slideshow.
Blog title courtesy the group on Facebook- DateWithDelhi. Follow them for some amazing pictures.

Gross! (Scrubs Diaries 3)

This scene from Scrubs reminds of a case I saw in the surgical emergency of Dr RML Hospital. This young guy in his late twenties comes with his index finger wrapped in a cloth. His finger apparently got stuck in a hotel food processor. And when he unwrapped the cloth- lo behold, the sight was Gross! The distal phalanx (that would be the top one-third of the finger) was exposed to the bone, covered in blood… and when he shook his finger in pain- a piece of muscle fell in front of me. Inspite of all this, he had a big smile bordering on a LOL face- I thought he was either high or being a 5-star-hotel-employee, I thought the smile was a permanent feature! Well, it wasn’t any of those, it was a mature defense mechanism that our body has, to cope with the immediate excruciating pain… (The body never ceases to marvel!) (Even in the clip, Ben seems to be fine with the nail in his hand- defense mechanism again!).

Anyways, what did I want to do when I saw that? I wanted to faint (just like JD did) but I didn’t. As an intern we see many things that would make us woozy! But, as a matter of fact- I have never seen or heard of an intern fainting at the sight of blood or exposed anatomy. Why is that?

Well, I can say this for me (and I think for most medical interns)- such things are thrilling- it may sound rude, but it is the fact. There is an adrenaline rush that gets you through it. You don’t want to miss out on the learning experience- you want to be in the spot and see how it is going to be managed. You want to be of help and be proud of it. Also, being exposed to dead cadavers and gross anatomy on the very first day of medschool helps! (There are people who faint then).

Sure, stuff like rectal examinations, or inserting a Ryle’s tube and getting vomit all over yourself, makes me want to vomit! Gross Gross Gross!!! But these urges certainly dont get in the way of finshing up our work.

No copyright infringement intended!

Evolution of Surgery (Srubs Diaries 2)

Another boring day with a monotonous routine was coming to an end when I got this link in the mail- Two Hundred Years of Surgery by Dr Atul Gawande. We have all heard the story of the evolution of science/ medicine many times- but when a person with literary talent pens it down it is taken to another level. He gets his facts together- researches and writes like a historian.

And then when I saw this during my daily dose of Scrubs- I had to put it up. And Dr Atul Gawande has already done the writing and discussing about it part! The clip summarises what Dr Gawande is explaining...

Surgery certainly has progressed from being ruthless and 'taking a chance game' to being life-saving (most of the times) and more organised. From the pre-anaesthesia, pre-antisepsis times to the present minimally invasive times, it has been a long route (checkout the timeline in Dr Gawande's blog). Not just surgery, every field is advancing at such a rapid rate that sometimes I think keeping pace with all 'this-and-that' is out of my reach.

Intern Talk (Scrubs Diaries 1)

As a medstudent, we have ‘lots’ of time (except before the exams of course). The word ‘lots’ is in accordance to the theory of relativity, when compared to the time we actually have when we become an intern. Interns are the lowest in the chain of superiority at a hospital. And by lowest, I mean below ground level- below the clerical staff, the nurses, sometimes even the patients. So, it is pretty obvious that loads of work gets dumped on us (and it may not always involve saving a life!). Hence the little time that we manage to sneak for ourselves is precious- almost magical! Most of it is spent zzzzzzzzzzing. And when we do manage to get around friends and go out- the conversations almost invariably go back to the dump we just escaped from- the hospital.

Intern talk is almost always about patients- the cases that you have seen for the first time, the cases that you were able to diagnose on your own, the lives you saved, the lives you could have saved, the new procedures that you did, the procedures that you messed up, the patients you successfully handled (yea yea handled- we don’t get to treat so easily), blah blah blah…. In short (well I was already too elaborate), the conversations always comes back to intern experiences! And from the looks of this ‘Scrubs’ scene- it is a global phenomenon.

Examples from my own internship- a group of us went to Chandigarh (for an exam actually, but it was a mini-trip, and I didn’t even give the exam!) and in the train we exchanged places just to make sure we could talk to each other (oh yea- you get to see your co-interns very rarely and that too mostly for just hello-hi-bye-bye!) What was the sole topic of our conversation in that 4 hour long ride? You guessed it right- what we did and what we didn’t do as interns, comparing notes! By the end of the journey, the people around us knew we were big-mouthed-budding-doctors. Birthdays, parties, girls-night-out, picnics, anything- if you are around fellow medicos, there is no escape from doc-talk. Even lunch time small talk is limited to the hospital…

So what happens when we are with non-medicos and family (I come from no medical background family)… Simple. You try to participate in the conversation as long as possible and eventually you manage to shift it to your favourite topic- the medical world! By the end of my internship, my parents knew how an ascitic tap, a pleural tap, a bone marrow biopsy…. blah blah are done. Oh yeah, they also get grossed out sometimes most of the times by the gory details (I have been requested to keep my mouth shut on multiple occasions at the dinner table!)

Why does this happen. Well, obviously because we spend so much time in the hospital that we rarely have time for anything else. One would think that once we are out of the hospital, we would want to forget about it, think and talk about something else more cheerful, something different. But that’s not the case. Once we become interns, an entire new world opens in front of us. Everything is exciting, hands-on experience. Everything we talk about is first hand and we are proud of it (at the conscious or the sub-conscious level). We love it when we succeed and we hate it when we fail- we try to learn from all that and sharing these little experiences with others is what gets us through and what makes us realize our mistakes. Sharing the experiences is expanding the knowledge.

(For those of you who managed to read it till here- My apologies. Am writing after a long time- hence the unnecessary small talk and the word diarrhea! Also the title of my blog says it all- they are Ramblings!)

P.S The ‘we-don’t-know-about-anything-else' is a teeny weeny bit exaggerated!

No copyright infringment intended.

Scrubs Diaries

For the umpteenth time now, Iam back to my blog. This time with a new concept for resuscitating the ramblings. I have been watching a lot of Scrubs lately. If you haven’t heard of it- where do you live man??? Anyways it is this hilarious medical-comedy show. Hats off to the creators and actors! So, some scenes, some dialogues from the show strike a chord in my brain. I can relate to them. So, chopping those scenes off (thanks to Windows Live Movie Maker and my unemployment!) and accompanying them with my own stupid thoughts and here goes a new series of blogposts that hopefully will last!

No copyright infringement intended.

Just Lessons...

Disclaimer- The following is not poetry, not micro poetry, not an article, no format.... Just Lessons!

Never get defensive in friendship.
Somebody is angry at you,
          let them show the anger.
There is no mistake of yours, let it be;
          they will understand when the time comes.
Somebody is not talking to you
          you go talk to them.
Friendship doesn't need explanations or negotiations.
There is this beautiful message which says:
          'Friends can start off years later from just where they left off'!'
But, I have these nightmares...
          Can I? Will I be able to?
Scary but imminently near...
You think you have known a person your whole life, THEIR whole life
          But then, do you really know them?
          Why just THEM?  Do you know yourself truly and completely?
          I doubt myself!
5 years... and my life has been a roller coaster
          But it was not the roller coaster I booked and hopped onto;
          I kept changing tracks, jumping people, jumping situations;
And now, the track is about to end- mid-air;
And I find myself lonely in out there...
Just lessons, but time-costly lessons!
Maybe that's what experience is all about...

A scientific-cum-cultural learning experience in Holland

Have posted what I wanted to write on the ASMJ blog... Visit this:
ASMJ Wordpress Blog Site

Rambling!!!

Passing Time.... Trying to revive a dormant blog again! (for the nth time now!)

WHAT WAS YOUR-
1. Last beverage: Chocolate-Milk

2. Last phone call: Dad
3. Last text message: HB
4. Last song you listened to: 'Naalo Vedane'- Vinayakudu (Telugu)
5. Last time you cried: 2hrs back when I vomited.

HAVE YOU EVER-
7. Been cheated on: Maybe

8. Kissed someone & regretted it: Never
9. Lost someone special: Yes
10. Been depressed: Yes
11. Been drunk and threw up: Never

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS-
12. Purple

13. Blue
14. Red

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU (2010)-
15. Made a new friend: Yes... loads of forever friends! :)

16. Fallen out of love: Never fell in to fall out!
17. Laughed until you cried: Yup... lots of times!

18. Met someone who changed you: Yes
19. Found out who your true friends were: No... and yes... Found true friends... but dont know whether the rest are true or not!
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Yes... and have been hurt :(
21. Kissed anyone on your friend’s list: No
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: All
23. How many kids do you want to have: Never given it a thought!
24. Do you have any pets: Do GoldFish classify as pets? If yes- then yes!
25. Do you want to change your name: No
26. What did you do for your last birthday: Midnight party- Friends at home...
27. What time did you wake up today: 7:30am (late to bed but alas have to rise early!)
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Talking, Surfing, Thinking of what to do... everything except what I was supposed to do- sleeping
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: A trip to a different continent....
30. Last time you saw your Mother: 2mins back.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Career opted.
32. What are you listening to right now: Riots- Slumdog Millionaire- A.R.Rehman
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: No
34. What’s getting on your nerves right now: Unable to meet everybody! Unable to fit in more than 24hrs into my day!
35. Most visited webpage: Facebook, Gmail, Blogger
36. What’s your real name: Ramya Pinnamaneni
37. Nicknames: Ramoo, RAMS, Rummy
38. Relationship Status: Single
39. Zodiac sign: Aquarius
40. Male or Female: Female
41. Elementary: School hopping...
42. Middle School: Amity
43. High school/college: LHMC
44. Hair colour: Black
46. Weight: Am embarrassed.
47. Do you have a crush on someone: Yes
48: What do you like about yourself?: Nothing
49. Piercings: Ears
50. Tattoos: No... but wanna get one soon!
51. Righty or left: Lefty!

FIRSTS -
52. First surgery: None

53. First piercing: Ears
54. First best friend: Never really understood the concept of 'Best' in Best friend!
55. First sport you joined: Table Tennis
56. First vacation: from??? I guess all my vacations involved going to my native place!

RIGHT NOW-
59. Eating: Nothing
60. Drinking: Nothing
61. I’m about to: post this rambling session.
62. Listening to: Mambo No. 5
63. Waiting for: sleep!
YOUR FUTURE-
64. Want kids?: dunno

65. Get Married?: Yea
66. Career?: directionless

WHICH IS BETTER?-
67. Lips or eyes: Eyes
68. Hugs or kisses: Both (but only from certain ppl!)
69. Shorter or taller: Taller
70. Older or Younger: Younger- Is there ever a doubt?
71. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic but spontaneous in the same!
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Arms

73. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive

74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationships
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: Trouble-maker

HAVE YOU EVER-
76. Kissed a stranger: No

77. Drank hard liquor: No
78. Lost glasses/contacts: Yes
79. Sex on first date: Find me a date!
80. Broken someone’s heart: Not a chance!!!!
82. Been arrested: No
83. Turned someone down: Never had the chance
84. Cried when someone died: Yes
85. Fallen for a friend?: Maybe
DO YOU BELIEVE IN-
86. Yourself: Rarely

87. Miracles: Ever since I got into Med School!
88. Love at first sight: Yes... I have seen some really good proofs!
89. Heaven: Sometimes
90. Santa Claus: No
91. Kiss on the first date: No
92. Angels: No

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY-
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: No

95. Did you sing today?: Yup... I always sing when there's noone around!
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: No
97. If you could go back in time: Would want the chance to correct a few life-changing decisions!
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it : The day the finals got over!
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: Yes
100. Posting this as 100 truths?: Yes... 

That was a pretty long rambling/ time-pass... Bored myself! Hope none of you have read it upto this sentence!